It’s no wonder that I have
stalkers, creepers and haters. I live life like: “My niece is a state championship softball
player, what does yours do?”
I can still dramatically remember the way my mother would exclaim, “All I want out of this life is my children to get along before I die!”
Yeah, well that’s not going to happen.
But he did give me a peace offering in the form of two of the most perfect creations ever: my nieces.
I figured out a long time ago that the best thing I’ll ever do with my life is just simply being related to them. I have the same arrogant attitude towards my nieces as I do my president. Like, “My president can take out the leader of the Taliban with a drone, my president combats climate change — yours?”
But this is just simply the way I take pride in the things that I love. My only goal in life is to live an existence to where when my time comes and I die, there will be children that stand over my grave and say, “It didn’t matter what I struggled with, it didn’t matter what I did wrong, it didn’t matter what problems I had, my aunt
Candi still thought the sun shined out of my ass.
And I want that to be true.
It’s truly no wonder that people (the haters, stalkers, creepers) don’t like me. I’m a bitch. And I don’t apologize for it. But when you’re related to children as great as the ones I am, it’s difficult not to be.
In case you’re wondering, some of the other perfect creations I’m surrounded with: Gordon, Katie, Kaylee, Kennedy, Briggs, Presleigh, Jett, Sawyer, Avery, Emily, Rachel, Samantha — who did I forget? Anybody?
We just kind of make bad ass kids in my family.
And since I won’t ever make kids of my own, I’ll take credit for all of them. And if that makes me an obnoxious, arrogant bitch…
well, what else would I be? You’ve seen the kids in my family, right?
Now, get this done, Lady Cougars! Candi needs another reason to kick the obnoxious up a level. Because I’m just sooooo good at it.