Adventures at the Dollar General

Oh my God. Let me tell you what just happened to me. I pulled up in front of the dollar store by the high school to get some chips and toilet paper right about the time the Lady Cougars got the last out. So I’m jumping up and down in the parking lot saying,”My Savannah and my Katie Mae are going to the state championship game!”  I had my DD coffee cup and my water bottle still in my hand so I thought I’d just throw it away in the trash can outside the dollar store. I noticed the trash can was missing. So I went up to the register and it was that new guy with dark hair that’s really lazy, that’s never up front, that walks really slow and acts like your existence angers him because he might have to do his job.

I said, “Do you have a trash can?”

He looked at me real hateful and said, “No.”

I  said, “I thought you had a  trash can out front.” 

He said, “No!” 

I said, “Well, can I just toss this in yours?”

He leaned on the conveyor belt, crossed his arms and said, “No!” 

I still thought he was just kidding, so I said, “Pretty please, can I toss this in your trash can?”

He said,”I said no.” 

Well  it’s monsoon weather outside and if he thought I was walking back to my car just to put my cup up, he’s dumber than he looks and he didn’t look all that bright.

I said, ” Okay dude, there’s always a trash can out front.  I’m guessing now you moved it because you don’t want to have to empty it at the end of the day, but I know you have a trash can back there, can I please just pitch this in it?” 

He said, “No!”

And he was serious!

He had already pissed me off, so I set my empty coffee cup and water bottle on top of his register, and said, “If you’re seriously telling me I can’t pitch these in the trash can that we both know is back there, then I’ll leave them here and I don’t give a damn what you do with them.”

And I walked off.

The only reason I didn’t tell him he could shove them up his ass is because my nieces are going to the state championship game and I’m in a good mood.

He started huffing and puffing. And I heard him yell, “Well then!” really hateful.  But when I got back to the register to check out, he just scanned my items and didn’t say a word.  And he had thrown my trash away.

What an asshole. I don’t know of a store or restaurant that doesn’t have a trash can out front for people to pitch their drink in because most don’t want the risk of it spilled in the store.  And I’m guessing that this lazy butthole moved it so he wouldn’t have to empty it. I don’t expect five-star treatment at the Dollar General but give me a freakin break. I was madder than hell.

But then when I got to the Cookout to get my hot dog and I told the girl at the window that the Lady Cougars are going to the state championship and that they should tell everybody that comes through, she got really excited and said, “The Lady Cougars are going to the a state championship game! Awesome!”

And then I was over it.

But if you see the heavyset, lazy guy in the dollar store by the high school, give him the middle finger for me. If there’s an asshole anywhere in a 5 mile radius, man, I can attract him.


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