The “Old Lady” is Making Me Craaazy!

I got mad at my grandmother and didn’t go down there for a day and a half and she sent my Aunt Paula to see where I was. Ha! Being at my mom’s house in Burns is like when I lived at the condo and I had visitors every single day. My Memaw used to come wash my dishes while I was at work in Nashville when I lived at the condo. Every day for the first month, and my house was the crash house for everyone who still lived at home or wanted somewhere to drop their kids off on a Friday night.  There’s something sanctimonious about the Pond area — nobody from Burns ever wants to come “all the way out there.” 

Then, I find out that the First Responders have been down here because she didn’t move her Medic Alert at least once in 12 hours and then didn’t answer the phone when they call to see if she’s okay. I asked her if she noticed how everything falls apart when I don’t come down there for a day:  she can’t take her medicine; she takes the wrong medicine; she takes twice the dose she’s supposed to take of the same medicine.

I told her I was going to start treating her like I had every boyfriend — where I’ll go away and come back when you learn how to treat me right.

Who would have thought caretaking for twins would be easier than an old lady, but it truly is!  People who care for old people are saints! They turn the heat on in July and are hateful as hell.

The matriarch of the Mathis family is driving her second favorite grandkid batshit insane.

You know, I always just sort of assumed that my Mom would eventually end up with Alzheimer’s one day, but I just figured I’d get one of those monkey backpack kiddie leash things Kaylee used to have and drag her around the Goodwill with me. But my Memaw is causing me to reassess that entire Senior Living plan.

Mom, if you’re this difficult — you might end up in the old folks home.

I’ll be old myself by then. Whew!

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