I Got Called A Kid In The Toy Aisle.

I always feel like when you need a pickup, life gives you one.

I had to go to Walmart to get my Memaw a new cordless phone because hers you can only talk on for 5 minutes and then it dies and you have to let it charge for 15 minutes before you can even answer it. But she kept saying, “Well, I’ll just wait and let Cheryl deal with it, she’ll know better what to get.” Or, “I really hate to get a new one because then you have to let it charge so long before you can talk on it.”

I’m like, well you can’t even talk on yours at all now and people are coming down here at 10:30 at night because they’re trying to call you and you have no phone.

So I decided she’s getting a new phone and that’s it. I’m as bossy as her and I’m not negotiating with her today.

But now, I’ve got to go to Walmart in the middle of the day and I hate Walmart. It gives me anxiety.  I start sweating and I get nervous. I can only handle Wal-mart in the middle of the night. (It’s just Dickson Walmart. No other Walmart drives me crazy that way.)

So as soon as I pull in the parking lot, I just break down crying because I’m so emotionally exhausted. I know my grandmother is not doing good and it rips my heart out. I set there drinking my coffee and praying. Like, “Lord, I need strength. It’s killing me to see her get old, at the same time it’s wearing me out to try to handle her. I can’t do this by myself.  I can’t take care of my Memaw all by myself. She always wants me to be the one to do everything, but then she gets mad at me! I’m just so worn out and I need strength.  It’s so hard to love somebody so much that you just can’t not take care of them and boss them around and tell them what to do,  but then they get mad at you and yell at you all the time and they just want you to go away.”

Then, I felt like God answered, saying:  “Imagine how your mother feels about trying to take care of you.”

Then, I just cried even harder because I knew it was true.

So, after I drink my coffee and dried my eyes, I went in through the garden section, and, of course, I stop at the toy aisle.

Because the only thing that cheers me up when I’m sad is thinking about my twin lovies.  Can Can loooooves her lovies with every stitch of her soul.  So I was looking at the toys because they have a birthday coming up and I know I have to go birthday shopping for my Memaw.  And Memaw buys the good toys at birthday time, and I looooove buying all the kids presents for Memaw — because Memaw splurges for the good stuff for her great granbabies.

So there I am, playing with toys on the shelf, when this girl comes up and says, “I know you don’t work here, but you look like you might could help me.”  And she starts trying to tell me what she’s looking for for her two-year-old and I helped her find it. She said, “Thanks so much, I thought you might know — you have that look about you.”

I said, “I have twins, so I think I’ve looked at every toy in the store at one point.”

She said, “No way, oh my God,  you don’t look old enough to have twins.”

I said, “Well, don’t let me lie to you, they’re not really mine. But they’re my heart. I’m a nanny. So I’ve had babies that aren’t mine over the years, and I know my toys.”

Miss Katie Mae can vouch for that. We went to Walmart every week and she got to pick out a toy.

Then, she gasped and said, “You reeeeally don’t look old enough to be a nanny!”

So I thought maybe she thinks I mean grandma and not child care provider, said, “I mean, I’m a nanny as in taking care of others people’s kids off and on for years.”

She said, “No, I mean you don’t look old enough to even be a nanny! You look like a kid, you can’t be over 24.”

I said, “Umm.. I’m almost 40.”

In a few years, anyway.

I thought I was going to have to show her my driver’s license to prove it to her. She said, ” There’s no way I would have guessed that. You look like a college kid.  Whatever you’re doing to stay young — it’s working.”

I said:  “Don’t get married, don’t have kids and drink lots of coffee.”

She said, “Seriously, what’s your secret — you look like a kid!”

I told her:  “Be short and  a Can Can — honest. It works every time. ”

It helps to be the size of a 12 year old boy (check out the stats during the Little League World Series this month, it’s not an exaggeration, I am the weight and height of 12-year-old boys. Well, actually since I’ve gotten fat, I’m about 20 pounds heavier now, to be honest.) And my Aunt Polly always told me not having kids keeps you young at heart. The combination of the two means you look like a kid till you die.

I’m so used to hearing that that I don’t really think much of it until recently when I saw some of the people I went to school with and realized — holy shit, some of them are starting to look like middle-aged soccer moms.

I do still look like a kid!

It may not just be the height thing, because everybody in my family still looks young. At least, I think. And we got it from our Memaw!

I totally forgot about being sad, though. Thanks nice lady at Walmart!.


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