A President Trump Is, And Always Has Been, About Y-O-U.

I got up at the crack of dawn and got my coffee, but it’s entirely too cold for the paint to stick. So I’m kind of stuck. Since painting has caused me to entirely neglect my blogging, I thought I’d take a minute a write more my thoughts over this crazy election. I’m from the old political school like the Clintons, in that Donald Trump is now our preident-elect and it is the obligation of all Americans to work with him. It’s why both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama came out and said as much. That’s politics. And the office of the presidency will have my respect even if the man does not. Because that’s the way politics works and if you knew anything about  them, you would agree instead of having spent the last 8 years calling Barack Obama “not your president” and every name you could think of and verbally assaulting his wife for everything from dancing to her wardrobe choices. But for those same folks — who spent eight years creating the “Thanks, Obama!” meme — to suddenly expect people to respect Donald Trump, a man who is not worthy of anybody’s respect, just because he’s the president is about as self-righteous as it gets. Barack Obama was worthy of respect in every sense of the word and you couldn’t issue it, so it’s a bit hypocritical and condescending to suddenly turn around and say we’re supposed to respect a man who claims he can get away with grabbing women by the privates because he’s rich.

Look at it like this — while I hope your children are “perfect” and healthy, let’s say they’re not.  Let’s say they are born with a cleft palate or a heart defect or they have seizures or they suffer cancer. Now imagine Hillary Clinton stood on a presidential campaign stage and mocked that —  then tell me how you would feel if she was suddenly elected president of the United States and the same people that struggled with the very definition for 8 years, sudenly said — “Hey, you gotta respect her, she’s the president!”

No, as an American it’s my duty to respect the office of the presidency even if the GOP has spent the last eight years not doing the same thing. It’s not my duty to have respect for him as a man and I never will.

This is not normal election and Donald Trump is not a normal person or a normal president elect. And I want you Trump supporters to stop pretending that this is a victory for America. This is a victory for you.

This is a victory for you, Mr. I drink Margaritas at the Camino weekly, who wants to build a wall around Mexico (which is never going to happen for many reasons — but mostly, geography and international treaties that restricts such).  This is  victory for you, Mr White Man who can only feel superior about yourself when you’re believing that, no matter how low, at least you’re better than brown man. This is a victory for you, Mr So-called Christian, who hates gay people and don’t think that they should be constitutionally given the same rights that you are even though the Supreme Court has ruled otherwise. This is for you Mr.  Likes to Grab Women by the p*ssy and get away with it.  This is for you Mr. Country Guy that used to run from the law when the blue lights showed up at a keg party but say every time an unarmed man is gunned down 16 times by law enforcement and he happens to be black that “he shouldn’t have ran, though.”  Don’t,  for even a second, go on pretending in your delusion that this is a victory for America. This is about how Donald Trump  made you feel while the rest of the world is looking on in horror and shame and fear.

That’s why nothing he did mattered. So many times things that he did would be catastrophic and disastrous for a candidate in an election year. It’s why so many things Donald Trump did were unprecedented for somebody running for president — yet they didn’t matter. From not releasing his tax returns to not turning over coherent medical records. It didn’t matter, repeatedly, as it baffled pundits, scholars, and the media. As the world watched on — part in horror and part in amusement. It didn’t matter because this election wasn’t about thinking; it wasn’t about sanity, common sense, or rational behavior. It was about emotions.  It was about how he made you feel.  You who are angry that we had a black president  — who created economic turnaround from the mess the white guy from Texas left us — for 8 years. You who were angry that gay people can get married.  You who are angry that you can’t kill an unnamed black man and nobody asks questions any longer in America. This isn’t about the country,  this is and always has been, about you.

America is stable;  she is steady. As we go, the world goes. We’re not supposed to fall apart or elect a man so stupid that he can’t even identify the Constitutional Amendments, or even correctly.answer the number of them.  The good thing is that Donald Trump doesn’t have much power as president. The bad part is that one of the powers he does have is the ability to negotiate and enter into treaties.

NATO is a treaty, Trump supporters.  Donald Trump has already stated he wants to pull us out of NATO — which is exactly what Putin wants. Why do you think Moscow was cheering the results of the American election while the rest of the world was mourning?  The only thing that  coaxes Vladimir Putin to pull back on his aspirations of taking over larger parts of the world is the fear of the American presence in NATO.

We already know that Donald Trump gets resources from Russia because he can’t get them from US lenders because of his financial track record. We just don’t know how much because he wouldn’t release his tax returns. We also know that if  there’s no America in NATO, there’s nothing to stop Russia from invading all the nations Putin sets his sights on surrounding Russia. You don’t wake up one day at 72 years old with Donald Trump’s money and resources and say that you suddenly want to be a force of good in the world and start by running for president. If someone with Donald Trump’s money wanted to start doing something good for America, it would begin with writing a check. Someone as gluttonous and self-indulgent and narcissistic as Donald Trump doesn’t want the stress of being president of the United States of America because he cares about you — it’s a job that ages you about 15 years in 4.  Donald Trump doesn’t need to be president for an ego boost — he gives himself one of those daily. No,  it’s got to be something more sinister than that. But for half of the campaign, I couldn’t figure out what it was.

And then there’s Russia. 

We know that they hacked emails to help elect Donald Trump. Why? Why would Russia want Donald Trump to be president? What would Donald Trump want out of Russia?

Because if there’s a Trump presidency and a president’s responsibilities include  negotiating treaties, and a president Trump can pull out of NATO, Putin can invade all the places like Crimea all he wants. What would Trump want out of Russia? Money. The same thing Donald Trump always wants — money.

Eastern Europe is looking on in horror and the rest of the world is terrified. Black people, gay people, transgender people, immigrants are frightened by the promise of a Trump Administration. Unlike your bogus Barack Obama fear  peddled for 8 years — “it was the end of the world;  he’s Satan or the Antichrist; he’s coming for your guns”  unlike that horseshit (we know what that’s all about, he was black), this fear is real. The hate, the rhetoric, the violence that Donald Trump has incited during this campaign is scary and it’s real — because we’ve seen that before in America. We’ve seen it in George Wallace; we’ve seen it with the KKK;  we’ve seen it for decades in America because that is our history as a people. So the fear that people have is very real. The fear that the rest of the world has knowing that an incompetent person who thinks he knows more than the generals is now in charge of the most powerful fighting force in the history of mankind, is very real. So do not, for one second,  come to me on my Facebook barring that Donald Trump “is a victory for America” bullshit.

Donald Trump is a victory for you, Mr. Angry White Man, that  probably makes under $55k a year — if I’m going to be honest .

Mental Manipulation By Men Like Donald Trump

I’ve been doing a lot of writing recently. And it’s all been angrily profound and painfully insightful.

One of my favorite things that Doctor Phil says is that if it’s real to you,  it’s real.  I learned in a Twelve Step setting awhile back that you don’t get to determine someone else’s truth for them. Their reality; their perception; their story is theirs and theirs alone, and yours is yours. In one of my absolute favorite movies ‘Because of Winn-Dixie’ Gloria Dump says, “You just gotta let the child feel the way she feel.”  That instantly made her one of my favorite characters because that wasn’t something that I was familiar with. When we were growing up, parents told us they were going to give us something to cry about and that we better suck it up — and there’s times that sentiment is appropriate. But for those of us raised around depression-era grandparents and aunts and uncles,  there’s a mentality that kids don’t express emotion if it’s anything but happiness. Particularly in the church. While my uncle Chunky was certainly not like that, I still remember being told at my Aunt Polly’s funeral, “Don’t you cry when you go in there, now. He needs you to be strong. So don’t you cry. ”  My grandmother said it and I believed it. Like many in her  “Mama’s Broken Heart”  generation, she set down the pattern for a family where emotion wasn’t exactly on display. And that’s true to those raised in that time period. That’s what they were taught.

So I was almost 30 before I could cry without alcohol.

If you’ve ever studied Criminal Justice, you know that two people can witness the same event and come away with a completely different take and recollection. It’s the same thing with life. Two people can live through a similar experience and and internalize it in very different ways. What happens to one is not what happens to another.  And no one gets to tell someone else that their perception — their internalization of something that happened to them — is wrong or invalid.  Yours is yours and theirs is theirs.

I belive that’s another reason why I hate Donald Trump so much. Not only is Donald Trump a gaslighter and an emotional abuser of women and anybody who disagrees with him, but his recounting of factual events is as flawed as they come. He blatantly lies when corrected, and then attempts to mentally manipulate anybody who points out corrections. That’s abuse!  He’s gaslighting our country and though so many have written articles about this, there is still a section of America glad to be his victim. Correct the Donald on something we all know is inaccurate — you’re crazy,  you’re stupid, you’re fat, you’re ugly,  you’re wrong. When we all know our reality. Plus YouTube makes our reality undisputed truth with a simple click.

I think it’s sweet that every boy I went to school with driving by sees a toddler pumping gas and then says, “Oh, that’s not a toddler! That’s Candi!” And then honks and waves.

But if you’re voting for Donald Trump, country boys, there’s no need to wave at me because we’re not friends anymore.  It’s just that simple. Donald Trump is abusive to America.  He calls us ridiculous, insults our military and labels them weak and ineffective; verbally assaults our elected leaders; calls our people stupid; says our citizens of color don’t have jobs or education; and that our country is a shithole.  And when he gets called  on it — Bam!  Mental manipulation begins.  When we collectively know something  very realistically happened, he goes on the attack to tell you that everybody knows how crazy you are. That’s why one of Donald Trump’s favorite phrases is “you can ask anybody.”  Because he’s always attempting to convince everybody that HE is the only one that holds the truth and the answers; that he is always right, and when he’s not, he loudly begins to tell you that everybody else agrees with him even — even when they don’t — to get you to question your own sanity, perception, and reality.

So if you support a man that mimics people with physical disabilities, you don’t get to wave at me anymore. If you support a man that claims that he is allowed to grab women by the genitalia and he gets away with it because when you’re a star, you don’t even have to ask, you can just do it — then you don’t get the wave at me. Because you’re part of the rape culture that very presently still exists in American society.

One in four women are sexually assaulted on college campuses. 1 in 4. Like most women who have ever lived on or around campus, I know more about that than I ever care to talk about. Women have to go out in groups. They have to watch out for the young freshman that has never drank a drop in her life and the guy that is intentionally trying to give her so much that she doesn’t know what she’s doing so that he, and maybe others, can have his way with her. Hooking up with someone consensually and not remembering it is one thing. This is something else. And there are women that wake up from a blackout wondering how they got so drunk when their full bottle of wine is right there in their fridge. Women who begin having nightmares, flashbacks that explain the bruises and the sore bones that she can’t remember — and it’s men like Donald Trump that teach them to question their sanity when everything in them knows something not right happened the night before.  We teach women to look out for each other instead of teaching men — as a society — to do the same.  Women have to always have the one that is sober and has lookout duty. To not set our drinks down. To this day, I won’t even walk off and leave a Coke to use the bathroom at Dairy Queen for fear that someone will put something in it. Because experience has taught me that that’s reality. And it’s always the girl that grew up around a bunch of guys that look out for her, that learn the lesson the hardest way.

Donald Trump represents the worst qualities in men. He represents a culture that women like me have spent a lifetime suffering from or fighting back against. So I appreciate the beep beep and wave, but if you have a Trump sticker on your car, there’s nothing to say — because we’re done here. Donald Trump’s insults are personal to me in so many ways.

Any attempt to dismiss his penchant for bragging about sexual assault (he bragged about it on another tape, by the way,  where he boasted about going behind the stage at the “Miss Whatever” Pageant where the women are naked and that he gets away with it because of who he is) as locker room banter is disgusting. There are Tim Tebows in locker rooms. There are Matt Hollidays and Russell Wilsons.There are husband and fathers in locker rooms.  And men who talk about how to defend against Tom Brady and what their kids are up to this week. There are men in locker rooms who talk about whose going to kick whose butt on the grill.  Are there crude comments in a locker room? Of course. Do they  say the p-word in locker rooms?  Of course. But it’s usually about how they are trying to find some of it, not how they can grab a woman in hers without permission and nobody does anything.

That’s sexual assault. And it’s particularly offensive with today’s popular undercurrent of belief that athletes are the only men who assault women when there are fraternity brothers doing it every damn day. Rape is about power. Rape is about dominance. Rape is about violating a woman and making her feel defenseless. And rape is about control.  Are there athletes that assault women? Of course. No doubt.  But for the most part, an athlete gets his dominance, his high, his power, his kicks on the field. The profile of a man who assaults women doesn’t go with the personality of most modern day athletes — they are a portrait of self-control and restraint. They have to be to succeed at that level. So the idea that all athletes talk about assaulting women should be offensive and ludicrous to anybody who dabbled in criminology.  So adding fuel to that already blazing fire that athletes are the main perpetrators of sexual assault is disgusting on many levels.

And it’s one more example of when Donald Trump gets called on his bad behavior,  he begins to mind manipulate everybody who won’t stand for it.

You don’t get to take my truth, my reality, my experience from me, Donald Trump. Neither do your supporters. I’ve had attempts by men a lot more skilled than you and they haven’t succeeded yet.  And thankfully so has America. We know what to do with an abuser.

You’ll find that out November 8.

This May Sting A Little, Trump Supporters

It’s totally not hard to see how there’s so much distrust, division and misinformation
in this country.

You read the headlines of various news media:  ‘Donald Trump, Barbarian at debate’;  ‘Donald Trump Not Defended By Paul Ryan’;  ‘Donald Trump Wanted To Put Bill Clinton’s Accusers in Family Box But Debate Commission Said No’;  ‘Donald Trump Lies More Than Usual At Presidential Debate.’

You look at Breitbart, RedState, The Daily Caller, all of these right-wing spin-off news site and the headlines read:  “Debate Win Propels Donald Trump Towards White House.”

Give me a break. What debate were you watching?  If you didn’t hear Bob Schieffer go the hell off after the debate yesterday, you missed the best part of it. At almost 80, he’s still the dang man. I don’t know who I love more: Dan Rather, Bob Schieffer, Tom Brokaw. Even Ted Koppel. I read them all.  They’re a throwback to time when journalists actually had integrity and did their job — on air. And were very willing to pay the price for it — Dan Rather.

Bob Schieffer made clear that what we witnessed on that debate stage last night was embarrassing to our nation.  If you saw anything else, you are Trump supporter to begin with and you baffle the hell out of the rest of us. I’m going to assume that you Trump supporters never had to write a research paper in your life.  So let me tell you how it works:  you need three sources before you  assign anything credibility. It’s not a “fact” unless it’s verified by three reputable sources. Look it up once, look it up twice, you look it up three times from credible contributions before you believe anything as certain.  If you don’t believe “the mainstream media” — which is a term the alt-right has given to any respectable journalistic publications — there’s lots of journalistic sources to choose from. Any state, any city, any paper!

You don’t trust CBS, ABC, NBC, The Washington Post, The New York Times, or The Los Angeles Times?  Ok, go local and smaller.  The Boston Globe, The St Louis Post Dispatch, The New Orleans Gazette, The Kansas City Star. If you truly believe that they are all in on the “bias” because they’re owned by parent companies like Gannett, try local reporting.

Not every paper from every city across America is in on the conspiracy to lie to you for Clinton. If you still distrust those sources, you’ve got NPR and PBS. National Public Radio and Public Broadcast System. Of course, I’ve even heard the accusations that publicly owned reporting stations are “slanted left.”  Yes, because they’re fact oriented and facts slant left! As Stephen Colbert once, ironically, very truthfully said:  “Yes, the media has a liberal bias; truth has a liberal bias.” 

If you still distrust our country so much — I’m a little unsure about why you’re still living in it — you can go to Australia. You can go to London. The BBC is always there for you. Try Canada.  For example, the Toronto Star. (Whose headline this this morning, by the way, is ‘Donald Trump makes 33 false claims at the second debate.’) But I’m sure Toronto was in on the scheme to lie to you for Clinton, as well. * giggles * With the exception of the botched sports reporting on Manning,  Al Jazeera is a prize-winning publication. If you truly believe that the only people that tell the truth are Fox News and right-wing purchased websites that tell you that the news media is lying to you — Wow! You’ve been brainwashed to such a degree that you need psych eval. If you truly believe everybody across the world is lying to you but Breitbart.com, congratulations on being warped.

Also, about those “accusers.”  Let me debunk those, as well. Like Juanita Broaddrick, who signed a sworn affidavit saying no sexual assault ever took place,  and then later decided to take that back and accuse Bill Clinton — going against her own sworn affidavit under perjury penalty — when the opportunity was presented to her in the form of a potential financial gain. Or Paula Jones — who roughly 78% of the country believed was lying when polled during the impeachment process. 78%. When did 78% of the country ever agree on anything? Other than the fact that this woman, a registered Republican, claimed on camera in a widely viewed interview that she wasn’t a political opportunist, didn’t engage in voting, and knows nothing about politics. Except that she voted for George H W Bush, had Republican connections, and got exactly what she was after — a financial settlement and a free nose job.

Or the woman who was tragically raped at 12 years old and claims that Hillary Clinton represented the man that assaulted her and “laughed” about it. Not quite.  Yes, Hillary was teaching law school and running the Legal Aid Clinic and she was court appointed to defend this man. She asked to withdraw from the case and the judge wouldn’t allow her.  She negotiated a plea deal which he pled guilty to.  That’s called law!  Even heinous people deserve a defense in this country — it’s the Constitution!

When Hillary rattled off her list of accomplishments in the last 30 years, she sounded like she was reading from my blog post last week. You may disagree with me. You may call me a Godless liberal Democrat. You may tell me I’m going to burn in hell. You may tell me I’m a hypocrite. I’ve heard it all over the last 8 years. But don’t you ever tell me I don’t know my stuff.

I know two things: politics and sports.  And I can tell you this much. Tennessee was down five starters, fumbled 7 times and still almost won on the road. We’re a darn good football team. And Donald Trump and his self-appointed “Captain Black Outreach” ass —  who clearly believes that all black people reside in inner cities and have “no jobs” from the way he pivots every question from an African-American to inner cities like he doen’t know black people reside in other places as well — is a nausea-inducing embarrassment to our nation who not only doesn’t know that Obamacare isn’t health insurance, that Russia isn’t fighting ISIS, or that Aleppo is still rebel-held and hasn’t yet “fell,” but he thinks he knows more than the collective minds currently heading the United States military.

That statement alone makes me want to throw up all over the place. As it should anyone who has respect for the United States military. A man with 3 medical deferments for a boo-boo on his foot to avoid service to his nation, insulting men who are medaled from chest to waste defending our lives and our freedoms every day for years. 

It’s a sickness, Trump enthusiasts. A sickness.

P***y And Politics: Election 2016

Did you ever think you’d see a time where the p-word had a place in presidential politics? I have the mouth of a  Soprano, but I can’t get on Twitter in the past two days without seeing p***y all over my timeline. That word is just heinously vulgar when it’s used in reference to a female’s anatomy. Even to someone who swears like me.

And now, thanks to Donald Trump, it’s mainstream news. We’ve got Scott Pelley talking about “grabbing women” in their private parts. He’s already brought the size of his genitalia into a presidential debate. Alluded to the menstrual cycle of a woman who wouldn’t cower to him on national television. And called a woman who wanted to pump breast milk “disgusting.”

This man is a stain on humanity, an embarrassment to anyone who reads above a third grade level, and  the most unprepared,
ill-equipped, tempermentally unfit candidate to ever seek election to our nation’s highest office in our collective history as a people. He’s vile. He’s narcissistic. He’s willfully ignorant and insanely proud of that ignorance.  His morals are non-existent and his business ethics are beyond questionable, they’re borderline criminal. He’s now got supporters defending sexual assault as “locker room banter” and, strangely enough, these supporters are  some of the same ones that identify as Evangelical. Can you tell me which biblical principle it is Donald Trump personifies? 

Because I’m pretty sure Jesus never said, “Grab them in the p***y.”

Maybe that was Moses, my bad.

* eye roll *

Wake the hell up, America. If you still support Donald Trump at this point, particularly if you do so and call yourself a Christian, you’re going to have to accept that one day you’re going to look back on this time and someone will ask you where were you when ‘George Wallace, The Remix’ was running for office and trying to divide the nation and isolate us from our allies, and you’ll have to explain that you had a sign for him in your front yard.

And that’s all on you.

Hillary Clinton Hasn’t Accomplished Anything? You CAN’T Be Serious!

I don’t know who sold these “Make America White Again!” Bubbas the lie that Hillary Clinton “hasn’t accomplished anything” in her entire political career, but I hope they didn’t pay too much for it.

I refuse to do your homework for you, but if you’re seriously interested in a list of Hillary Clinton’s accomplishments, there are books I can recommend.

But since I know that’s too much to ask for most and because I’m feeling generous —  I am a Democrat — I’ll help you out.

Have you heard of the CHIPS program?

After failing to secure Universal Healthcare in the nineties,  Hillary Clinton refused to take no for an answer and still managed to rally the Congress and the Senate to pass the Children’s Health Insurance Program. Which provides insurance to this day for millions of low-income children across the country.  Chances are, Trump lovers, your grandchildren have used this. (You know it.)

Or, my personal favorite, the fact that foster parents in Arkansas can now adopt the children that they’ve come to raise and love. 
That’s Hillary Clinton.

What about the federal adoption Act that was passed in 1997 that protected kids like Sonya McCaul — until hers was overturned on a technicality (you know, because her dad had a friend that committed a double homicide he hadn’t told anybody about and he used that to get out of jail)?  That was a bipartisan effort spearheaded by Hillary Clinton.

Or the Iran agreement that put a lid on Iran’s nuclear armament?  The one that brought both China and Russia to negotiating table. That was Hillary Clinton’s work.

Or maybe the groundbreaking Global agreement on climate change,  celebrated the world over and signed by Barack Obama.  The one that included over 200 Nations? Yeah, that began with Hillary Clinton.

Or maybe you’ve heard about the death of Bin Laden. Hillary was part of the “go” consensus on that operation.

Or the billions of dollars that rebuilt New York after 9/11? It was Hillary Clinton and Chuck Schumer who secured the funding from Congress for those efforts.

Or the fight — and disgustingly enough, it was one — to organize and pass the First Responders Bill, which takes care of the health of men and women who ran into those burning buildings to take care of New York. That was Hillary Clinton.

Or maybe you’ve heard of that rarity — a ceasefire between Hamas and Israel?

That, too, was negotiated by Hillary Clinton.

Or maybe the fact that juveniles — preteens, now — in South Carolina can no longer be imprisoned with full grown, incarcerated men. Hillary Clinton.

How about Tri-Care? Hmm? The program that provides health insurance for our men and women in Reserve Units and the National Guard. That was Hillary Clinton and Lindsey Graham.

Or how about raising the death benefits for family of those killed in combat from under $15,000 to $100,000? Hillary Clinton.

The overthrow of Muammar Gaddafi without losing a single American life. (And no, the deaths of those at the Benghazi compound, tragic as they may be, were NOT lost in an American led military operation — though they were killed in service to their nation.)

Do we have to continue this? I mean, I could. I’m just getting started. I could go all day. But how about, like Secretary Clinton, let’s negotiate a ceasefire. Because you’re just shooting blanks, boys,  and wasting my time.

Listen, Jethro — you’re dumb.You’re proud of it.  End of tape. And you are just pissed that the black man is going to be succeeded by a girl.

Get over it.

You should be used to having your ass kicked by women who intellectually outweigh you by now. (See above.)

More Proof Donald Trump Is A Dumbass

Donald Trump finally begins acting like he’s actually running for president and buys some Network TV airtime this weekend. Did y’all see it?  It was during the Tennessee-Georgia game. Suggesting that either (a) his camp truly believes that Georgia is in play for the Democrats (I’m not there yet); or (b) he still doesn’t understand the electoral map. He has wasted time during this general election campaign stopping in states like Washington — that he will never win — and holding rallies in places like Mississippi — where he could murder somebody (remember, on 5th Avenue)  and still win by 10-20 points.

You could even make the argument that The Donald — Mr. One Man Band Kardashian, king of marketing and reality television — still doesn’t understand advertising. Even if you give him the benefit of the doubt that he was targeting the CBS/SEC game because he thought it was the biggest match up of the week (it wasn’t) and assumed that he was playing out to national audience and not just residents of Tennessee and Georgia, the majority of white males watching SEC football are likely already voting for Donald Trump anyway. (And there’s no way in hell he’s getting the vote of men of color, no matter where they live.)

Trump needs women to win this election. Women of color, in particular, given that black women are the largest turnout per demographic. NOT exactly the target audience of a football game.

One of the biggest clues of who knows what they’re doing in this election was illustrated by the purchase of uber-expensive air time during the Olympics by the Hillary Clinton campaign. Which, strategically enough, aired during all of the women’s gymnastics portion. It was an ad campaign using the actual words of Donald Trump insulting women, and questioning the fitness of someone with that temperament to be president of the United States and the effects it would have on our (particularly female) children. Parents of various political parties, socioeconomic backgrounds, ethnicities and religions, who had gathered around the television with their daughters to watch women’s gymnastics, saw Donald Trump insulting women in his own words. Like everything else Hillary Clinton does,  it’s genius.

Donald Trump, a man who has “the best words” and will “hire the best people” still can’t even conjure up some that can coherently comprehend how to run a presidential campaign. And a man known for ratings on reality television, can’t even properly use and manipulate commercial air time.

Sweet Tea and The GOP — Not Exactly Southern To Me

I went to Good Wings to get my first meal of the week — I can’t eat when I’m feeling blue — and I actually got my unsweet tea order correct. As I took a big sip and said Hallelujah, it occurred to me that being southern must mean different things to different people. I don’t know when Southern become synonymous with sweet tea. I don’t drink sweet tea, it taste like obesity. I don’t eat greens.  I damn sure don’t want a fried pickle. 

I once had someone say to me, “You know, it’s like… how do you eat an elephant?” Only I’ve never heard of the expression ‘how do you eat an elephant,’ so I replied: “What? How do you eat an elephant!? I don’t know, here in the south, I guess you’d deep-fry the son of a bitch.”

When the room stopped laughing and explained it to me, I don’t know if I’ve ever been so humiliated in all my life.
If not, tickled.

So I’m perfectly aware that we have customs that are a little strange. I’m also aware that being Southern doesn’t necessarily mean that I coat everything in Crisco. Being Southern means that I still say “yes, sir” and “no, sir” to the man at the fast-food window. Being Southern, to me, means that I recognize your right to be who you are in the freest nation on Earth. Being Southern means that nobody’s a stranger. Meaning that when God commanded go out into all the world and preach the gospel, he didn’t just mean white people that are American. And when he said ‘Thou shalt Love Thy Neighbor,’ he met Syrian refugees, too.

It means dignity. It means prayer. It means a throwback to a time gone before, and a life lived immersed in lessons imparted by generations that have past by. Singed in ashes from the smoldering remnants of a brighter, more ravenous time. When the desire for American citizenship and the flames from the spark of patriotism and pride burned hotter and higher than any on Earth. The bonfire of America’s Greatest Generation lives on inside of us, still.

For all time.

That’s what it means to be Southern.

Where we do onto others as we’d have them do onto us. Where we do not covenant thy neighbor’s tractor — or their wife. We eat chicken strips from the gas market and make it a meal. We don’t call the pound on a loose dog — no, we just round them up and take them back home. Where there’s no such thing as someone else’s children or none of our business, and we believe life begins with football in the fall.

Southern means a spring of things, a fountain of  renewing freshness in a world gone stale. The ripeness of life here is in the quality of goodness of the people that pass by.  Which is why my southern white ass cannot understand the popularity of the Republican party and a man like Donald Trump in these parts. There’s nothing southern about either of those at all.  Just bullying, selfishness, hypocrisy, and lies.

You can keep your liquid glucose and that tangerine-tinted twat, neighbors.